| >1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a | | | | children, or manipulations such as |
| romance?The most successful rekindled romances | | | | hiding letters from the sweetheart. When these |
| were lost lovers who had been 17 or | | | | couples reunited, they were very |
| younger at the time of the initial romance -- first loves | | | | bitter and angry at their parents (dead or alive) for |
| -- and had separated for | | | | costing them many years when |
| situational reasons, like "parents disapproved," "moved | | | | they could have been happily together. Many missed |
| away." "went off to college," | | | | their childbearing years |
| etc. Age of the couples didn't matter -- if they were | | | | because of this breakup. And why did the parents |
| 18 or 95, the romance worked | | | | react that way? They just "didn't |
| the second time. In fact, the older they were for the | | | | like the person" their child was dating.I checked to see |
| reunion, the better their | | | | how these couples fared a second time; ie, if the |
| chances of success.>2. Is Lost & Found Love | | | | parents broke |
| successful the second time around?Yes! In my sample | | | | them apart, were the parents "right" and they broke |
| of 2000 people worldwide, ages 18 to 95, 72% of | | | | up a second time? Half of the |
| them reported | | | | time, they broke up again, and half of the time they |
| that they are "still together" with their lost and found | | | | stayed happily together. And |
| lover. And these weren't just | | | | they is no way to predict, no way for parents to |
| "good" romances; these were wildly sexual, soul mate | | | | know what's right for their children. |
| reunions. Absence really does | | | | It should make parents think twice before they break |
| make the heart grow fonder!>3. What if the couples | | | | up first loves.>8. What can teenagers learn from this |
| had been "first loves"?First loves had the highest "stay | | | | book?I hear from a lot of teenagers, males and |
| together" rate -- 78% are happily reunited, and | | | | females, who are broken-hearted because |
| remain blissfully in love over their many years of | | | | their first loves just "dumped" them. Some say they |
| marriage.>4. Are rekindled romances more intense | | | | are suicidal. From my research, |
| than other loves?Yes. I asked participants to rate the | | | | we learn that these are true loves, important loves, |
| emotional involvement of the rekindled | | | | that should not be belittled. And |
| romance, as compared to all their other loves in the | | | | teens should be comforted by the fact that the |
| past, and 71% of them said that | | | | breakup may not be forever. The first |
| this was their most intense romance of all. Additionally, | | | | love might comes back some day. Don't sit around |
| 61% of the participants said | | | | and wait for that, but keep it in |
| that the rekindled romance started faster than any | | | | the back of your heart as hope for the future.>9. |
| other romance in the past, and | | | | Instead of reconnecting with a lost love, what about |
| that the sexual involvement was the BEST (63%).>5. | | | | finding a long lost friend?It's really the same thing. In |
| Why does rekindled love endure?The couples grew up | | | | fact, many of my couples really weren't in romances |
| together, they spent their formative years together, | | | | the |
| and many | | | | first time. They were just friends -- sometimes very |
| of the first loves reported that the lost love became | | | | young friends, like 8 or 9 year |
| "the standard" for all their other | | | | olds. The shared roots are the important part; old |
| romances. They knew each other well - they | | | | friends make us feel comfortable |
| attended classes together, knew each | | | | and we can talk about old times. It's very healing to |
| other's families and friends, shared roots and values. It | | | | reunite.>10. Is there anyone who should avoid seeking a |
| is these similarities that | | | | Lost Love?Yes. If one or both members of the couple |
| form the strength of the bond. These romances are, | | | | are married to someone else. don't go |
| at their heart, friendships as | | | | there! Don't even look up the person to say hello. |
| well as romances.>6. Isn't there some research that | | | | Even good marriages were put in |
| suggests that this love might have a biological | | | | jeopardy by lost loves. The people just didn't realize |
| component?Yes. Remember that expression used | | | | that the feelings come back |
| for teenagers, "ranging hormones?" When | | | | VERY strongly.And if the person was abusive in any |
| teens are in love for the first time, hormones like | | | | way the first time, forget a reunion. |
| oxytocin and vassopressin are | | | | Personalities don't change. The couples in my study |
| released when the sweethearts are sexually excited. | | | | who succeeded with a happy |
| These chemicals form | | | | reunion had been situationally pulled apart the first time; |
| emotional memories in the brain, stored in an area | | | | they did NOT check the |
| called the amygdala. When the | | | | box "we weren't getting along well.">11. What is your |
| lost lovers meet again, those memories are released | | | | first piece of advice to anyone who is considering |
| by the familar sight, smell, | | | | finding a lost |
| touch, sound of the long lost lover. The feelings are | | | | love?These are very intense romances. Before you |
| comforting and familiar and | | | | begin any dialogue with a lost love, ask |
| also very sexually arousing!>7. Why should this book | | | | yourself if you could handle whatever occurred -- a |
| be "required reading" for parents of adolescents?The | | | | rejection, a romance, another |
| most common reason why these romances broke up | | | | breakup with that person. If the answer to any of |
| the first time was "parents | | | | these is "no," it's best not to try. |
| disapproved." Not only disapproved -- many of these | | | | But if you are single, divorced, or widowed, it might be |
| couples were forcefully | | | | the best thing that ever |
| broken apart by the parents, with threats to their | | | | happened to you. |